Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I've got a lot going on at GawkerTV. Please check out my recaps for Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best?, RuPaul's Drag Race, and The Fashion Show Finale.

Also, I've finally found my big city boyfriend:


Thursday, January 13, 2011

This kid gets it.

I wish I could tell William that the sting of Dumbledore's rejection dulls over time, but that would be a lie. A LIE! IT STILL HURTS, WILLIAM!

(Via Buzzfeed)

(P.S. Here are even more WAY cute letters from children to Hogwarts.)

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Friendship Circle: glowpinkstah

In an attempt to have more reoccurring content on Madeleine Davies Aims to Please, it is my pleasure to introduce Friendship Circle, a new feature in which I talk about people who I’d like to be best friends with and what that bestie-ship would be like. Occasionally, I will talk about my real life besties because they are also pretty and talented and so so smart.

The first inductee into the Friendship Circle is YouTube hero glowpinkstah. If you have never watched her online makeup tutorials, all inspired by movies such as Black Swan, Human Centipede, and Avatar, you are missing out. She is hilarious and possibly the coolest.

Black Swan:

Human Centipede:


If glowpinkstah was my best friend, I imagine that we'd start our night, no duh, at the movies, but we'd never see anything that could be classified as art. No, we would only see movies like Twilight: Eclipse or The Last Song. We would make fart noises during the romantic scenes and the tweens would glare at us. We would play it off apologetically, like we had actually just farted. When the tweens turned back around, we would do it again. After the movie, we'd bike to get nachos and get drunk on Miller High Life. Next, I would suggest that we have an "ironic slumber party" and glowpinkstah would say, "That be awesome. Let's do it." We would both know that it wasn't really an "ironic slumber party," it's just a super fun slumber party. At one point in the night, probably after we discover that we've both had sex dreams about Alan Rickman, she'd go, "I think you should help me with these makeup tutorials that I make for YouTube. I could really use a sidekick." I'd say, "Uhhh, of course. I would love to help you with the makeup tutorials that you make for YouTube." The next day, we would make the video, it would receive over a million hits, and our friendship would be solidified on the Internet forever.

Welcome to the Friendship Circle, glowpinkstah!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Happy New Year, You Lovable Bunch of Dweebs

Happy New Year, Bros! Is it too late to say that? Especially seeing as 2011 has been pretty terrible thus far? Not for me personally, but for humanity, the Earth, etc, etc? Oh, well. I’ll wish you a Happy New Year regardless because this blog is nothing if not a place for me to escape the confines of a shitty reality where churches protest the funerals of shooting victims and New Year’s blog posts are expected on January 1st. HAPPY NEW YEAR, ONE AND ALL.

Over the past month, I’ve been pretty inactive blog-wise. I wish I could offer you a good excuse for this, but I can’t. Really, I’ve been distracted by Real Housewives marathons and The Hunger Games trilogy (Sidebar: have you read The Hunger Games? They’re so entertaining. And violent! I honestly struggle to talk about anything else, which is slightly sad when you consider that these books are classified as YA. Still, I hardly care because I have so little shame left and these books are so good. But more on The Hunger Games later). Anyway, posts will be more frequent starting today, so, assuming that your New Year’s resolution was to read my blog more, you are very lucky.

Also, over the next four months, I will have the occasional post on Gawker.TV. Please read them and demand more.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

"Tom Brady With Out Legs"

Though football was a pretty big deal at my high school, I can only remember going to two games throughout my entire time as a student (and I only remember one of those times because a glow stick broke open INSIDE my mouth). In college, I never went to a single football game—in fact, I don’t think I’ve even watched one on television. I didn’t actually learn how a game of football was played until about three months ago when I marathon-watched seasons 1-4 of Friday Night Lights and I’m STILL fuzzy on the rules (is a snap when Taylor Kitsch runs? No? What’s it called when Taylor Kitsch runs? And they get points when he takes off his helmet? No? WHY IS NO ONE GIVING TAYLOR KITSCH POINTS?).

In sum, I'm no expert on football. I am however an expert on anger, so I was able to relate to this child's drawing of the New England Patriots' Tom Brady all the same:

Who among us hasn't imagined someone we hate "with out legs and in a stretcher"? Just the other day, for example, I saw an old woman feeding pigeons in the park. Watching her knobby knuckles poke through her thin skin as she gripped at stale bread crumbs, I couldn't help but think about the quick passage of time and how, to her, it probably feels like only yesterday that she was my age. Suddenly, I realized how bummed out this old lady was making me and became really angry. I then imagined her on a stretcher without legs and it made me feel a lot better. Touchdown!


Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Child Abuse Is Dead Forever

Congratulations, Facebookers! By changing your profile picture to an image from your favorite childhood cartoon, you have successfully ended child abuse! Really! That’s all it took! Those who have devoted endless hours to achieving a degree in social work with the hopes of entering into the public school system or Child Protective Services where they constantly have to fight against opposition and red tape all for the betterment of kids? TIME WASTERS. Get with the 21st century, grandmas. Social change isn’t spurred by philanthropy and volunteerism—it’s spurred by changing your avatar to a picture of Heffer from Rocko’s Modern Life.

Can I tell you what a relief it was to not wake up to the noise of the upstairs neighbor boy’s wails as he was beaten by his father for failing to make the varsity football team for the second year in a row? It was SUCH a relief! And it’s all because of us, friends! We truly are the Greatest Generation.

But why stop now? Since we’ve successfully ended child abuse through Facebook, isn’t it our duty to tackle all the world’s issues through means of social networking? Answer: It is! Below, I have compiled a list of five ways that we can fix the world, all from the comfort of the MacBook Pro our parents bought us as a graduation present. To borrow the immortal words of Montell Jordan, this is how we do it:

1. Change your profile picture to your favorite Sex In The City lady to fight female genital mutilation. Like women who are victims of FGM, Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda ALL have vulvas (if you don’t believe me, watch the show! They use them all of the time!).

2. For one week, devote your twitter feed solely to news about Carson Daly-era TRL. Remember when Crazy Town’s “Butterfly” alternated between the number 1 and 2 slots for a whole week?! Well, that occurred the same year as both the World Trade Center attacks and the beginning of the most serious economic downturn since the crash of the stock market in 1929. By participating in this trend, you’re solving both the economy AND terrorism.

3. Create a lip dub video to your favorite Ke$ha song. If enough people call attention to America’s favorite garbage monster, everyone will be more likely to recycle and global warming will be over.

4. Create a Tumblr dedicated to Long Duck Dong from Sixteen Candles because... Asia. Too many people forget about Asia. Remind them with everyone’s favorite racist caricature from an 80’s classic.

5. Temporarily replace Facebook’s popular “Poke” feature with the “AIDS Poke.” Next, AIDS Poke as many people as possible. Once we’ve all been AIDS Poked, everyone will be able to empathize with what it’s really like to suffer from AIDS. After that, AIDS will finally feel understood and will probably go away.

Of course, we can't fix all of the world's problems through social networking. Still, we ought to sleep well knowing that we've done everything we possibly could without exerting any effort whatsoever.

Goodnight, sweet heroes. Dream of the monuments they will erect in our honor.