I’m being overly harsh. Last night’s episode of True Blood was actually one of season’s best as it managed to incorporate humor, action, and twisted romance—all of the things that make the show fun to begin with. Additionally, the episode was unusually well paced, with all of the storylines getting the right amount of time for a change. Maybe that’s because so many of the characters were in one place, helping to keep things focused. Let’s explore!
Having been ambushed at the end of last week’s episode, yawn-couple Bill and Sookie have since been brought by force to King Russell’s Mississippi plantation house, where Eric, Talbot, and Lorena are waiting. Once in the foyer, Bill attempts to kill Russell, but Russell is like, “can’t touch this” and throws him into a wall. Not only that, but he demands that Lorena take Bill out back and stake him. This sends lil’ Sookie into a real huff because she loves Bill and blah blah blah. She begs for Eric’s help—no, not “begs.” Asks politely? Not that either. Ah, yes. She rudely demands Eric’s help and he tells her to shut up. Literally. He says, “shut up, Sookie” and it’s awesome. He has bigger issues than her little Bill problem (like taking down Operation Werewolf and saving Pam)—issues that he’s planning to solve by pretending to be gay and cozying his way up to the king. How do we know Gay Eric from Not-Gay Eric? Well, when he’s gay, he smiles a lot. Not only that, but when he smiles, he shows all of his teeth because—duh—that’s what gay men do.
Sookie tells him that she hates him and will never forgive him, once again showing that she is one of the dimmest people on the planet. Does she even consider that Eric has a plan? Or that admitting his real feelings for her to Russell might make things more dangerous for everybody? Nope and nope. She just cries and tells him to fuck off. Then Russell comes in and Eric turns on his supposed gay face, but the king would rather have word or two with the lady than play a game of Hotdog Cart. After finding out some crucial information (mainly that Sookie is a telepath and maybe something more), Russell tells Sookie that Bill has been investigating her, which, for some reason, has little punch. The conversation ends with Sookie being dragged to a room by a guard (credit where credit’s due—the guard does NOT try to rape her. Yay!). Russell, already sick of vajay, decides to cleanse his palate by taking Eric on a road trip down to Louisiana. Rather than swinging by Fangtasia and saving Pam (what the heck is happening to her! Concerned parties must know!), they go to see Queen Sophie-Anne and force her into marrying Russell so that he can consolidate power. Unforch for her, they have her backed into a corner—she is quickly losing allegiances and is deeply in debt. Mission accomplished.
Back in Mississippi, Tara learns that Sookie is also imprisoned at the mansion. As awful as she is, she is able to work out a pretty good plan that involves convincing Franklin to give her his blood (making her stronger and faster), bashing his head while he sleeps (ew. Also: Bye, Franklin! We’ll miss you!), and breaking Sookie out of her room. It all goes swimmingly until Sookie muddles their escape by trying to save Bill who is being tortured in a shed:
Unfortunately, she’s caught by Lorena and once again finds her life (the life that Tara just risked her own neck to save) in danger. The good news (or the bad news, maybe? Yes, the bad news) is that, in her hunt for a get-away vehicle, Tara encounters a very naked Alcide who will probably end up saving the day (even though he’s demonstrated himself to be a COMPLETE pussy in the past).
Our boys back in Bon Temps were in for a rough ride this week. Jason discovers that his new love interest is actually engaged to one of the Hotshot meth heads (RUH-ROH!) Lafayette almost goes all the way with Jesus, but then Jesus finds out that Lafayette is a drug dealer and they part ways in a huff (BOO). Sam finally discovers the sinister goings-on of his newly found brother Tommy and creep-o dad Joe Lee. It’s dog fighting. Joe Lee makes Tommy shape shift and fight other dogs. SNORE. There’s a moment where Sam’s mom says that she can’t be in the ring anymore and, for a beautiful second, I thought that they acted as trained circus animals, which would have been so cool. But no. It’s just boring old dog fights, which something that holds no real risk since, push comes to shove, Tommy can shift into a lion or a grizzly bear or what ever the hell he wants and win the fight.
One important thing to recognize is that the men-folk were beat up pretty bad this episode. Bill got tortured, Franklin was bludgeoned, Tommy is sent to the ring, and both Lafayette and Jason had their hearts broken. Maybe it was a little unfair of me to call the show out on mistreating its female characters in a previous recap. Turns out that they mistreat everybody! They’re equal opportunity abusers! HATS OFF TO EQUALITY!