Monday, August 23, 2010

True Blood 3.10: Blah Blah Vampire Emergency

Oh, True Blood! So full of twists and turns! How do the writers and actors keep all of these plotlines straight? Answer: they don’t! They just add and add until all that’s left is some mud-colored television show and we, the people, nod our heads yes and scream for more. More Sookie sad mouth, we say, and they give it to us! Less men with body hair! It’s ours! Less clothes! More blood! Nakey nakey stakey stakey! But we are not grateful. No. We will keep asking, keep begging, and True Blood will continue to provide.

Now let us recap.

Last night’s episode was all about discoveries. Lafayette discovers his witchy heritage, Tara discovers who really shot Eggs, Jason discovers werepanthers, Sam rediscovers his past as a murderer, Hoyt and Jessica discover they still love each other, and, in the biggest reveal of the night, we find out what Sookie really is. What she is, it turns out, is part fairy. LE GASP! Fairies exist, too, because this is Bon Temps and of course they do. Nothing can be simple and everyone has to be a special twinkling star. So Sookie is a fairy (barf), which finally explains why everyone is so darn interested in her. Vampires love fairies so much (it’s science) that they will forgive Sookie for being an awful self-centered person.

Having learned about her mystic origins (which have something to do with rape? Ugh, I don’t know), Sookie still decides to forgive Bill for almost killing her in the back of a moving truck (I have yet to forgive him for the “almost” part), though she’s starting to doubt his intentions. Her doubts grow greater when Eric decides to Inception her and enter her dreams for a little chat and tickle.

“Don’t trust Bill,” he says. “Why?” Sookie asks. “Just because,” he answers, but it is more than enough. Come dusk, Sookie scampers off to Fangtasia where she and Eric kiss for realz. Before things can get too heated, Awesome Pam barges in and suggests that Eric use Sookie as leverage with King Russell (who is harboring some major bloodlust, especially since the loss of his husband Talbot. Gay vampires be stakin’, I guess). Rather than putting it to Sookie, Eric seemingly complies with Pam’s plan and throws our little fairy bar maiden into his basement dungeon. My feeling is that he has plan of his own, one that doesn’t involve handing Sookie over to the enemy, but we’ll see. Maybe we’ll get lucky and everyone will forget she’s down there. Bye, Sookie! Sorry you had to starve to death!

Hey, remember Eggs? And how Jason shot him dead? Well, on Sookie’s stellar advice, Jason decides to tell Tara the truth and she gets predictably angry and sad. Welcome back, annoying Tara! She was getting way too proactive and reasonable for awhile there, so it’s good to see her back as her normal horrible self. Anyway, she runs off to somewhere and hopefully gets hit by a car. Meanwhile, Jason finds a panther in his bedroom; only it’s not really a panther. It’s actually his girlfriend Crystal, but she can turn into a panther when she wants to. Weres: they’re not just for wolves anymore.

Both Sam and Lafayette take separate journeys to the past. Lafayette does so when his boyfriend Nurse Jesus convinces him to go on a V trip and they discover that his great great grandmother was some sort of medicine/witch woman that used spells to keep her slave master from raping her (maybe she should have used a spell that would have kept him from enslaving her, but who likes to think of these kind of things?). So, Lafayette is special, too. Like I said, everyone’s a unique star. Sam’s trip to his past is slightly more personal. High from a fight and drunk on whiskey, he flashes back to his days as a slick jewel thief who bedded dames in motels (I swear I’m not making this up), that is until one of the dames gave him the run-around and he shot her and her boyfriend dead (still not making this up). Now, Sam’s shrouded past is both tragic and violent. Great.

It feels like only yesterday that I decided to recap this show with such expectations and enthusiasm. Ah, to be young again. Only two episodes left and this season is done FOREVER.


Librarian Girl said...

I have never watched one episode of True Blood, yet I am enthralled with your recaps.

Madeleine Davies said...

I'm so glad that they're even readable. Sometimes I thing that they might only make sense to me.

You should watch the first and second seasons, though. They're bad, but fun bad.

Anonymous said...

this is funny. i think it would even be funny if I wasn't balls to toaster high. congrats.

Madeleine Davies said...

Thanks, Anonymous! Though, for both our sakes, it's probably best that you continue to read the posts high. Let's not mess with a good thing.